Been away from my posts for a while – I am trying so hard to make sense of what all of this is about.
I have been spending more and more times looking for guidance and understanding from my God. Sometimes, I wish that he would answer me, just once, to tell me what I am doing is right or wrong.
As much as I try to get on top of this mental health thing, I cant – its like it is gnawing away at me, punishing me for perhaps something I have done wrong in the past. Some situation that I could have handled in a different way. Considered someone else’s feelings better than I did.
I believe that “this” is an eternal learning curve – we are born, we live, we die, then we are born again, and the process continues. Don’t ask me why I think like this, I just do.
If any of you have seen the film ” Field of Dreams” – I wish it could be like that – being able to talk to your father just once, my mother, my grandparents – my friends that I had lost – just once.
This Thursday I am back at the Recovery College at Mapperley – I cant remember what the course is for that I have signed up for – they had to telephone me to ask whether I was still going – and yes, I am.
Will this do any good? – I don’t know, I feel safe, but not sure what I am going to say if asked to do so in the group discussion – I will let you know